Needs
by dragonwrangler
Summary: It's not until you stop running that you find what you need. SetoYami


Needs by dragonwrangler

Summary- It's not until you stop running that you find what you need.

Rating- M

Warnings- language, anal, yaoi, lemon (S/YY)

Author's notes- This story was inspired by the scene stealing challenge posted by Rekall on the KnY LJ. It basically got me thinking what might be going on in the minds of Yami and Seto while they were stuck on the aircraft carrier in the Doma arc. I also wanted to try my hand at first person narrative. I would like to thank everyone who left a comment when I posted a fragment of this story on my LJ when I got stuck (and was a little unsure about how I was approaching this) and to Crimson Eyed Dragon for the mirror suggestion.

Disclaimer- YuGiOh is owned by Kazuki Takahashi. I do not make any money from this story and only write them for my entertainment and the entertainment of anyone who wishes to read them.

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Needs

I don't feel any pain, I don't feel anything at all as I stare at the broken mirror before me; the occasional clink of a stray piece following the others to the floor barely registering on my senses.

I don't even react when I hear you enter the room and start swearing at me.

"What the fuck…!"

You seem surprised by what you have found. I can tell you are angry with me but find myself unwilling to turn, to let you see what I saw in the mirror before I shattered it with my fist. However, I cannot conceal the hiss that slips out when you grab the now bloody hand though it is not pain that makes me hiss- I am simply acknowledging the fact that I have lost control of myself.

Your touch is careful but firm as you check the damage and, watching you out of the corner of my eye, I wonder briefly why you are here.

There is no reason for you to have followed me, no reason for you to flee as I have done. I could no longer stand the reminder of my failure in the form of Jonouchi's soulless body lying on the hard bench within the helicopter. I could no longer stand to see the sorrow and watch the pain and despair I have caused slowly grow deeper in Yugi's friends with each passing moment.

However I am startled when you suddenly move away. Turning, I find you have simply shifted to retrieve a bottle of water to soak a piece of cloth in your hand. Seeing this causes an odd urge to distract you pass through me and find myself asking, "Where is Mokuba?"

I almost miss your reaction; it is so quick it is almost nonexistent. But I have learned to read those subtle flashes during our duels and so I know it was there. You momentarily clench the items in your hand before you purposely relax as you answer sharply, "He's on the helicopter making sure nothing is screwed with while those idiots restock it."

Your next comment seems out of place, and it appears to slip past your barriers without your permission when you add, "He's safe for now."

You shake ever so slightly as you carefully begin cleaning the blood from my hand and I turn away to stare at my fractured image in the remains of the mirror. Without looking into your eyes I cannot be sure if you tremble out of fear or rage but it does not matter. I cannot deny that these emotions are my fault. Because of me Dartz has taken over your company. Because of me he has taken away everything you have built up to protect Mokuba.

You are now facing your worst nightmare and it is all my fault.

The urge to run again abruptly consumes me. I move before I realize it but you already have a strong grip on my wrist and easily bring me to a halt.

"God damn it!" you snarl but I cannot stop my attempts to get away from you. I twist in your hold, forcing you to grab me around my waist with your free arm.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" you ask with furious desperation, and those words seem to cut through the confusion that consumes me. I suddenly relax- catching you off- guard- and I have no desire to resist your pull as you draw me down into your lap when you fall backwards into a chair. You tremble beneath and behind me where our bodies touch, I can feel it through my clothes, your arms shaking where they wrap tight around my waist. This sudden, unexpected contact seems to break your self-imposed barriers, and because of this one simple act of reaching out to another, to try to ease my physical pain, you are now shattered. I do not turn to face you, knowing you would not wish to share the pain I know is in your eyes right now- the loss, the fear, the hurt. I suppose this is part of your pain, knowing I would be aware of such things.

A sound that has no right to be a part of you slips past your control as your head drops to mine, an inarticulate cry of despair, the breath carrying the cry warm against my face. I close my eyes, sensing your decent into the darkness I entered when I betrayed Yugi, but suddenly you move, as if remembering yourself. You shove me away and swiftly walk out of the room, not once looking back.

For a moment I am still, considering the danger of following you, but in the end I have no choice but to follow.

I find you have not gone far. You have taken shelter in an empty bathroom, standing defiant in the center of the room, every line of your being screaming against what has been done to you. You cannot stand losing everything that you believe defines you, you cannot stand losing the carefully constructed defenses you have built around yourself and Mokuba, and you can find no outlet for the great and terrible anger you feel rising within you.

You need to inflict hurt.

And I?

I need to feel pain.

I lock the door with magic, sealing what we are about to experience away from the world. You watch me knowingly and without protest, your cerulean eyes storm dark from the emotions churning within you.

I carefully remove my Duel Deck and place it reverently on the floor, setting the belt holding my deck beside it, before approaching you.

Meeting your tortured gaze you give me proof I can trust you with this, as I knew I could, when you say to me in a low growl-

"Yugi, get out."

I shake my head, answering truthfully, "No, Kaiba. You know that I can't."

For a moment you stand balanced on the edge between calm and fury, searching me for doubt.

And finding none you act without hesitation.

The gap between us is gone in a heartbeat as you grab the back of my head and strip my jacket from me in one fluid motion, your violence and speed breathtaking. Using the hand now fisted in my hair you force me back against the cold metal edge of the sink counter, your body pinning me in place.

I can feel you twisting your body as you violently kiss me, your tongue easily slipping past my defense. For a moment you switch the hand gripping my head then suddenly you break the kiss. All I can do is pant as you yank off my shirt, the pressure of your hips against me keeping me in place. I open my eyes, the air cold as it touches the sweat already forming on my body. I watch as you pull your own shirt off and throw it away.

I stare at your sculpted form, all lean muscle and alabaster skin. I want to run my hands over your body, to touch the warmth of your skin but I cannot. I gave up my right to touch you with my act of betrayal and all I can do is look up into your eyes. I cannot read your expression as you look at me, but I imagine you feel disgust at my weakness and I cannot deny such an accusation. I am weak, I gave in to the power of the Oricalcos in the belief I could control it, that I could force it to my will.

And for that hubris I lost everything.

We stare at one another for several heartbeats and you seem confused by what you see in my eyes but then your familiar mask slips in place. There is a certain relief seeing the habitual scowl that crosses your face; I know this look and how to respond to it. The smirk comes naturally to my lips but I can tell you know it's a sham- I am no longer King of Games and I am surprised your anger does not grow at my expression. I have denied you the title you have reached for so often that it became an established routine that we both found comfort in. We knew our places and our roles but now that is gone, thrown to the winds- leaving us both adrift.

And I am unable to hold onto my façade under your gaze. It falls away, leaving my soul exposed and unguarded for you to judge.

And I wait, ready to accept whatever punishment you deem appropriate for I trust you.

But when your expression suddenly changes once again, I cannot understand the emotions I now see until I realize I have only seen this expression twice. It is the look that passed over your face when Mokuba was finally in your arms that time in Duelist Kingdom, and once again when it happened in Noa's world.

For that one instant you had all you wished for- your brother was safe and your world complete.

I do not understand why you are regarding me in this same way now. It is as if, looking at who I truly am, you have answered a question you had not know you were searching for.

How can you look at me like that after what I have done?

Why…

But before I can voice my confusion you close the distance that remains between us. The kiss is still hungry, still filled with the force of your personality- consuming and uncompromising- but you have tempered it somehow. I can feel the anger that still resonates through your touch as your hands move roughly over my naked flesh but…

_I can't think anymore…_

_I can't breathe…_

_I don't understand…_

_Why are you treating me like this? Why are you treating me as if I were something so precious…_

_Kaiba…_

_Please…_

_Why…_

_Gods…_

My emotions devour me, my hands moving without conscious thought, rising to run desperately over your skin, to drop down to pull at the cloth of the pants that still cover you. My thoughts crash and fly apart until all that is left is this desperate desire to feel every inch of you and to let your strength overwhelm me.

And you do not deny me this. You strip away the remaining belt at my waist and shift your body so you can reach between us, so you can reach down and slip your hand along my exposed skin, passing under the rim of my pants to take the length of my arousal into your firm grip. You catch my cry as I tangle my fingers in your hair and stretch my body along the length of yours and you begin to pump my arousal, setting my body on fire.

A moan escapes you as I thrust up into your hand when I buck my hips, breaking the rhythm of your movements. You suddenly pull away from me and I groan, closing my eyes at the loss until you grab the waistband of my pants and yank them down and away.

You lift me up and balance me on the edge of the counter you had me pinned against, and that is when I realize you have already removed the last barrier between us. The body that slips between my legs has been revealed and I can feel every muscle that lie between my thighs flex and tighten as you press your stiff arousal against my entrance. There is not enough room for me to lean back and I circle my arms around you for balance as you brace yourself with one hand while your other hand slips to the small of my back. I can feel your strength gathering for the final thrust that will bury you deep within me and I gasp in anticipation, my heart hammering and my skin is so sensitive to your presence I can feel the air moving, feel the heat of your body warming the currents around me.

I wrap my legs around your waist and you move so suddenly, so decisively, so completely, that I am filled by you before I can even comprehend it.

And any pain there might have been is lost to the ecstasy erupting through me.

My screams of passion fills the room as you pound out your anger, as you use me to relieve your pain. Your heartbeat thunders in my ears as my body absorbs every hard thrust, every moan, ever cry that bursts out from you until we are both complete and balanced, shuttering and panting when we climax, our bodies so close together I cannot tell if it is my heart I feel or yours as it races with the emotions filling us.

But even as you slump over me, still holding me even though your arm trembles with the effort, something breaks within me. I begin to shiver as my mind tries to understand some essential truth you have given me as you let your passions loose upon me.

Your anger spent, you seem to become aware of my condition. You gather my shaking form in a gentle, enveloping embrace. Fingers tenderly comb though my hair, soothing and comforting as you curl protectively around me.

Forehead pressed against your chest, I finally find the truth in your calming touch, and it stuns me.

It wasn't pain I needed.

It was simply you.

As my mind floats, unable to comprehend the knowledge unfolding within me, you finally speak, your voice soft and rough with bewilderment.

"Why did you allow me to do this to you? Why didn't you resist?"

"I couldn't." Feeling unaccountably ashamed as I say it I add, "I deserved it."

"Fool.", you breathe before falling silent.

Tears begin to fall from my eyes at the truth of your simple statement, tears you carefully brush away.

After an age I begin to feel a sort of peace settle over me wrapped in your embrace. You seem in no hurry to return to the world beyond the sealed door and I wonder at that. Now that I am aware of what I should have always known I wonder…

"Think you can walk?" you ask with surprising gentleness, the question slowly pulling me from my thoughts.

Straightening, I test the extent of my remaining pain and find, much to my surprise, that it is quite bearable now.

Slipping down to the floor, allowing you to take my weight for a moment before I carefully step away so that I can finally stand beside you, I find it is all bearable now.

In you I have found all that I need.


End file.
